A journey to find where we are going
Yvonne and I just came back from a trip to Germany. She attended a conference in Berlin while I was enjoying my second visit. After the conference, we went to Munich for the first time. Overall, it was a refreshing vacation and Germany is one of the countries I want to visit again when I have a chance.
Just before the vacation started, I hoped that I’d have enough time to reflect on how I have been living my life and think what I want to do in the rest. I always believed that was also one of the most important questions also to the other people. Now I think I take this question more seriously and think more often than some people. In fact, it’s almost my bedtime ritual to ponder…every single night. I sometimes think too hard. I become impatient in finding the answer. It even gives me an anxiety combined with the thought that my life ends someday.
The life at the startup company often gets very intensive for the amount of the work and for the information my little brain have to process. It leaves too little time and space in my mind to step back and see the bigger picture of the life. Naturally, my bedtime ritual is more about worrying than thinking productively. The vacation, especially during the long flights to and from Europe, seemed to be a great opportunity to figure out the answer to the question in a relaxed environment. So, I hoped.
I found myself without an answer when I came back. Just the night before I went back to work, the thought that the time is up and the busy days are starting again made me even more anxious than usual.
“What do I want to do in my life?” - I was too obsessed to the question.
After the painful process, I concluded that I should just let it go. Even if the lightening struck me and I got a miraculous inspiration. I will most likely change my mind after awhile and start asking the same question again and again. My mind never settled in one place in the past, and it will never do so in the future.
Sometimes, the answer to hard questions is to stop asking the question. Live the life in the way I feel like moment by moment. By doing so, I will be more and more honest to myself. Honesty to oneself helps to discover something deep within. The answer to the life’s biggest question will hopefully reveal itself organically someday.
By the way, I shot this video on the way from Füssen to Munich, and I think it’s a pretty piece with the music. Please check it out: